In The Aftermath ..

(Written 2.15.18 .. the day of the Florida high school shooting)

Today, in the frothing aftermath of the most recent horrific occurrence  in our country, something feels significantly different. The camel’s back can no longer sustain the insanity and horror. It was bound to happen, as we have become a nation of outraged people. Perhaps because the internet has given us an anonymous forum for our outrage, but, more likely, it is the out-and-out manifestation of a culture gone entirely emotionally amok.

The Outrage Factor .. a frequency that has been growing like a stage 4 cancer (which I do not say lightly) in our nation over the past ten or so years .. has reached a pinnacle. If we are to believe that ‘what you focus on expands’ (#physics), and that ‘the more you think and feel something, the more powerfully it will manifest in the physical world’ (#alsophysics), this is precisely what has happened .. what is happening .. and what will continue to happen, until we, as an entire culture, change the freaking narrative.

I have been saying, for almost a decade now, that if we keep creating, watching, and playing (on screens large and small) horrifically apocalyptic tv shows, movies, and games, that is exactly what our world is going to turn into.

I’ve also been saying that the men are languishing FAR more than the women of our country. They are not in positions of authentic power. They are in positions of force. Force is their only option as our culture strips our male children of their authentic power by the time they are three years old (#bigboysdontcry).

Far more vitally crucial (not to mention crucially vital) than brains and/or brawn, as a human, is emotional fluency. Show me a person that is emotionally constipated (clogged, cut off, confused, bereft), and I will show you someone who is at the top of the possibility list for a heartless outburst of unconscious fury, grief, and/or rage.

Show me this in a man and we have little choice but to add the word ‘violent’ to the mix.

We need to know how to understand and navigate our emotions in order to effectively deal with any and all human situations. Our emotions are what provide us with the information we need to discern what is right for us and what isn’t. Thought alone won’t do it, hence, expressions like “trust your gut,’ and ‘follow your heart.’ I did a research project when I was in my 20’s and found that when asked how they 'feel,' men most often replied with one of four words .. they said either, 'fine,' 'okay,' ‘tired,’ or ‘hungry.’ Conversely, when women were asked how they felt, they responded with a plethora of colorful words, phrases, paragraphs, and stories. They were able to EXPRESS themselves. Poor men in our culture.* There’s no place for them to respectably cry, except maybe at funerals. They are so bottled up .. so emotionally blocked and, therefore, stunted .. that they really have nowhere to go, when things get impossibly challenging, but to explode. (* Of course I am generalizing .. there are certainly emotionally fluent men that exist in our culture. The trend of which I speak. however, is very real, and should be taken to serious heart in light of the 18 mass murders that have taken place so far this year in the US .. all by men.)

It is of the absolute essence that we start teaching our boys, from the moment they are born, all the way through the rest of their childhoods and lives: [1] That crying is GOOD. That ALL emotions are respectable, valuable, necessary, trustworthy, and good. And [2] When they are feeling an emotion, that we TALK ABOUT IT with them and help them to understand what they are feeling and why. And, while we’re at it, we need to absolutely be doing this with our girls as well.

And we need to be doing it with each other, too. Starting right now.

Emotional Fluency is the answer to so much of what ails us as a country, and as a species.

It is the formula for the transformation we seek in the aftermath of horror after horror after horror after horror. Calling our Congress-people and Senators isn’t going to, ultimately, work. Protesting isn’t either. They are entirely worthy gestures, but are, virtually, ineffective for what it is we are needing to achieve. We need to change something far more systemic if we have any hope of authentic cultural change.

The other piece of the formula for the recovery of America (and humankind in general)is simple, though we will have to start implementing it immediately if we have any hope of achieving transformation before our country and planet are totally destroyed. You’ve heard it a million times before if you’ve listened to the Dali Lama, Marianne Williamson, Thich Nhat Hanh, John Lennon, Ellen DeGeneres, or the REAL Christ (to name a few). A religion erupted around the teachings of Christ because what the guy was saying was the real deal. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Judge not lest ye be judged. 

Maybe let’s start here today.

Yes, I think that’s a great idea. Quick review:

Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

(And wow, look at that .. the ‘Do Unto Others’ quote actually came from Socrates .. also a pretty amazing teacher .. and goes as such ..)

"Do not do to others that which would anger you if others did it to you.”
 
Judge not lest ye be judged.

These are today’s lesson, tomorrow’s, and the next day’s. They are every day’s lesson until further notice.
 
Anchor them in your heart. Then live them.
When you falter, get right back on the horse.
 
I love you and am so happy to have you on this most esteemed team 💛

Photo Credit: Roman Kraft, unsplash.com